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NaPoWriMo #6

My wine reddened lips
Your's whiskey warmed
My hips responding
To the look in your eyes
It's late
A party at a friend's house
The time of night just before the sun signified end
Most people have found a couch or pillow or bed to call their own
For a few hours
It's just us in the dining room
The piano plays a familiar tune
A song we both know
We sing along in happy comradery
And you tease me when I stop
You shove my shoulder playfully and tell me that I know the song
The music makes me want to dance
Hold you close
You smile that smile
And it's good that I'm sitting down
You make my knees go weak
Halt thoughts in my head
No longer able to speak
I'd forgotten how this feels
It's been so long
Sweaty hands
And nervous laughter
All our conversations never turn out how I have them scripted in my head
The time is never right
And nothing ever happens
No matter how much I will it to
And I am not free
To say this to you
There's a line that I cannot bring myself to cross

You go to tickle my nose with your scarf
"Don't. Please."
It's nothing but innocent flirting on your part
And I'm sure you think the same of me
It seems like a good idea at the time.
Why does it always seem like a good idea at the time?
My head keeps saying this is wrong, this is wrong!
My heart has no ears or brain
It just knows what makes it beat
You smile and it skips a beat

I'll lie to myself
Pretend that I'm fine
But you, you walk through that door
My hear betrays my head every time

A friend wanders in and whatever made up moment we were in the middle of is gone
And so are you
Leaving me with skipping beat heart, wine reddened lips, and hips
Waiting for you to dance with them

NaPoWriMo #5 Don't Forget

A little explanation of the numbers. I am aware that I've only posted two out of the 30th. #3 is really really long and I don't feel like typing all that right now. I might post it some point in the future. When my writing arm stops feeling sore. (no lie)

#4 is honestly a very personal poem. If you ask nicely in person, I will let you read it. But I won't be posting it online.

Don't Forget

A word of advice
For my writer and poetry friends
Especially in the midst of this mad month
When we immerse ourselves in our craft

Be open to inspiration
From strange or unlikely sources
Some days, it'll take some searching
But don't despair
Some days it'll take some work
Don't give up
The resulting piece may not be your best work
And that's okay

Please, do not lose yourself too deeply
Do not forget to live
Enjoy the sunlight
Breathe in the fresh air
Let the sight of blooming flowers make you smile
Dance around your room, singing your favorite song at the top of your lungs
Do whatever makes you happy
Stay out late, laugh with your friends

You don't have to record every single moment for prosperity
They are not all profound
They don't have to be
Enjoy the life you are living while you are living it
This moment may never come around again

If you only observe and record
And do not interact
What is there to write about?

NaPoWriMo #2

Power Outage

Shorter then a blink
The power went out
I could hear your voice calling my name from rooms away,
Slight panicky tones seeping in.
I move as quickly as I can in the dark house,
Stumbling as I bump into the coffee table and tripping over our carelessly discarded flip-flops and the door mat.
I answer your anxious call with my own, trying to reassure you that I am here, that everything is fine.
Desperate to calm you, you are not alone, I am here. I am here.
I can barely see you in the living room, where you have jumped up from the couch in front of the t.v., startled.
As I pull you close in a tight hug, your bare arm is covered in goosebumps.
Your skin, of which I've kissed every inch, feels foreign in this darkness. You tremble slightly, and I hug you closer before taking your hand and leading you slowly and gently back the way I came, and into the kitchen. I fumble with the matches before successfully lighting two half melted tea light candles contained in crystal cut glass shot glasses, nicked from the mantle at our favorite bar. It was on a dare, and I hadn't been dating you long, and didn't know about your healthy sense of adventure.
The shot glass candle's soft light was just enough to lit up the counter by the window over the kitchen sink, and now I can see your face, still tense but starting to relax, the dishes drip drying next to the sink. The candle sends shadows dancing across the counter and the corners of your eyes.
I offer you one of the candles
Raising it high over my head in a toast to you,
To you in all your delight,
To you in all your beauty,
To the soft light dancing in your eyes.
I couldn't tell if the glow in the room existed solely in those velvet chocolate eyes or was the flickering flame.
But the light I saw there was brighter then man made flame.
You took my hand and held the glass high like a torch, leading me to the back door,
All fear gone.
No hesitant shuffling steps
Confident insistent purpose filled movement
The screen door shuts with a bang, pleased with our decision.
The yard is dark too, a different dark then the one thrust upon the house.
Crickets and cicadas and frogs are the only soundtrack to the night
Fireflies emit brief bursts of the same soft light as our candles
"Look", I say as they drift closer, "They think the flame is one of them".
It must be dizzying and disorienting
The firefly's love life
A beacon, a calling of "I'm here, I'm here! Where are you? I'm trying to find you...I'm here I'm here!"
A brief flashing answer across the field, across the lake "I'm here! Over here! Come find me!"
Frantic wing beats
Everyone still searching, still calling getting in your way, blinding you with their own desparation.
Flashes of light and dark, light and dark, light and dark
Until sky and earth and stars and trees blend in a blur of shapes and shadows
All sense of direction is gone
And you can't tell who you are anymore
And all you can do fly in circles
Searching hoping praying
That your light is bright enough
Your wings are strong enough
To find that echo of your heart once more
That this wasn't the only chance you had
And you blew it

All this run through my head as we climb onto the loveseat on our back porch
You pull the worn comforter over our laps, wrap the blanket we normally save for beach days and picnics around us. It's slightly damp from dew and cool earth, and we both shiver.
We place the candle carefully on ground, nestled under the low glass coffee table, but snatch it up worriedly when a gust of wind drives the flame dangerously low. She holds it close and cups a shielding hand along the rim as I search for somewhere more sheltered to protect it better. "There." I say, pointing to our overgrown hibiscus bush and it's wide terra cotta pot's base. I go to take the glass from her, and she hesitates. "It'll be fine." I tell her, adding "I promise" when she doesn't look convinced. Reluctantly she nods, bites her lips as she lets go. She cranes her neck to better watch the flame for a few minutes as I settle back underneath the comforter, loveseat creaking and groaning in protest. And I wonder if this is what it's like to have a child, to be so afraid to let them go.
She rests her head on my shoulder while my hand finds hers under the blanket
We don't say anything. There's nothing that needs to be said.
I listen to her easy breathing that grows deeper and slower still
As she gently drifts into sleep.
And I think about this girl at my side,
Who is afraid of her own dark house, of the unexpected,
Who worries about a candle's flame.
This girl will take tea of coffee any day of the week,
Climbs trees in her Sunday best, wears grass stains on her sundresses and knees with a clumsy pride and lopsided smile,
And laughs and laughs and laughs at every occasion, even solemn ones
And this boy, this boy loves her, would follow her anywhere. He needs someone to remind him of the sunlight, of the kindness that still exists in the world. The house feels so strange when she's gone. Full of emptiness and too many rooms, and all the furniture and books and art in the world could never make it feel any different. Maybe they could make their future here. He hoped there was a future with her. They could chase down that big American dream. This could be ours if we want it, right? If we both want it...

The streetlights come back on with a snap.
A neighboorhood's worth of televisions turn on, volume drowning out frogs and crickets and cicadas.
The candle's flame looks puny, insignificant now
She stirs in her sleep, frowing and burrowing deeper under the blanket, but does not wake.
I move her head onto the pillow, tuck the comforter tighter against the chilly night air. I go back into the house, turn off the television, unplug the phone that has not stopped ringing from the wall, and turn off all the lights one by one. The screen door sighs as I close it carefully behind me. I crawl back under the blanket that smells of salt and suntan lotion and her. Let's forget everything but soft light and fireflies, for at least one night. Sometimes, the darkness is home, and the house is just boxes and a roof and noise and distraction.
Wishful Thinking

I thought I saw you looking at me from across the dark room
and I smiled back
But you were staring at the floor,
deep in thought

trusting desire...starting to learn

i wish i had my beads with me. or at least a good book. i am so super bored it's ridiculous (i actually had to use the spell check to get that right. even now, it looks wrong.) i'm hungry and for some reason really thinking about mcdonald's. which is the last thing i need. granted, i haven't been excersizing at all lately (just started back up again) but the deadline to lose 20 pounds i made for myself back in july is jan 23. considering i've Gained about 20 pounds since then, i don't think i'll be making that goal. that's very disapointing. i wish i had my beads or a good book or headphones that worked...don't know what i'm going to do with myself tommorrow. if i have another day like today, i might lose it. really lose it.

jason got fuzzy bunny slippers for christmas. i have them on right now. they are super warm and comfy. i found a pair online, though that you can microwave and they stay toasty warm for 30 mins. i thought that was crazy. and very cool.

being an adult sucks

so i was all excited, i was set to treat myself to a little gerbil for christmas. and instead, realized that i really need new bras underwear and socks. Boring. what an exciting gift to give myself for christmas. ::yawns::
next thing you know, i'll be in bed at 8.


I GOT A NEW JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SEE YA LATER FRIDAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





sorry, i have really high spirits right now. it's another flower shop job. really really cute store. this is gonna be good.

gross, but true

i think i have a pimple on my big toe of my right foot. It wasn't there this morning (to my knowledge, but i don't think i look at my feet all that often.
It doesn't hurt, but feels really odd when my jeans brush it. it has a band-aid on it now.
that is all. off to watch american psycho!

mmm, christian bale ::drools::

i'll be back...see? here i am!!!!

wow, it's been awhile. not even sure if any one still reads me, considering how often i update (though i swear I just looked at it last weekend and it said that my last update had been 10 weeks ago, and this week it says 14 weeks ago. unless my sense of time is really really really off. (very possible, it is me) what can i say? school, work, boy...that'll about do it for me! XD are you bored away yet?
i got to see andrew last week, for the first time in about a year i think (it was really fun and cool and i'll have to do it again. sooner this time!)
other then that, i've been taking alot of pictures, and all this entry is really about (sorry guys, no depth or meaning here, really) is that i'm starting up my photo journal again. rubyred_dragon
so you should head over there and check it out! i'm alittle behind the times, and just learned how to use basic photoshop, and right now all that's on there is some pictures of the forest fire from the summer, jewelry that i've made (that's also what i've been keeping busy with. i am a bead-ahololic. i can't stop, and i spend waaaaaay too much money on them at once.), and soon to be, pictures from the philadelphia flower show.


p.s. might get a job at another flower shop. put in an application, did a sample arrangement, waiting to hear back from them. or at jeniksions' aquarium, either the atlantic city or point pleasent one (still haven't decided which one would be better). so that's all very exciting! friday's is just boring...i want a job that i want to go to! XD
and being at the flower show made me really really miss the flower shop. the only thing i didn't enjoy about that job was the boss and the money situation.
i got dahlia bulbs (my favorite favorite flower) at the show. there were sooo many color choices i had a hard time deciding. ended up with a light pink one with yellow on the inside center of the petals, and mom found deep dark red ones at walmart. can't plant them until the day after mother's day. I hope they GROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! also got snapdragons and spider mum. very cool plants, those.